


Dead End

by Constellation



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-07
Updated: 2014-12-07
Packaged: 2018-02-28 13:18:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2734034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Constellation/pseuds/Constellation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Reese falls in love when he’s stumbling down a stairwell, bleeding out from the shot Evans took at him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dead End

John Reese falls in love when he’s stumbling down a stairwell, bleeding out from the shot Evans took at him, and begs Harold to stay away, to not risk it.

John Reese doesn’t realise he’s in love until a mad hacker kidnaps Harold at gunpoint. It does not mean he accepts it. _My best friend_ , he says, and it’s true because Harold is in fact his best friend, but when they’re back at the library his eyes sting from tears not spilled, and this time, this one time, he’s aware friendship is not quite enough anymore.

John Reese struggles through the rest of the days, cases, numbers, fights with his lips pressed together and eyes cold. He drowns his sorrows in bruises and broken brones, and, occasionally, whiskey. He throws punches at bad people and shoots worse people and makes business and kisses Zoe Morgan, and, well, he likes Zoe, he really does, but it’s not the same. Just not the same.

When he learns about Grace Hendricks, he feels his chest burn. _I said it’s wrong_ , he tells himself. _Can’t have what belongs to someone else._ But the burns do not ease. At this point he’s willing to do anything, _anything_ to make it go away, to make it stop, just stop, _stop it, stop, God, stop._

And then it’s about New Rochelle all over again. John Reese hates that with his entire being but the fact is that it’s not going to go away. He loves Jessica, he does, he does, he did, he – he stops dead in his tracks when he realises he was thinking _did. It’s not right, it’s not right, stop it._

So he drowns his misery again in bruises and punches, gets drunk to the beat and kisses Zoe Morgan like it’s nobody’s business; but nothing, nothing at all stops the pain.

Then Donnelly gets to him, and with what he believes to be his last words, he begs Harold to stay away, thanks him for the purpose he had. But those aren’t the words he wants to say. They are close, yes, but not the same.

 

John Reese does not accept being in love again. But when he sees Harold on that roof, he feels his heart shatter in his chest. Of course Harold wouldn’t stay away. Of course. He knows that. But knowing that does not diminish knowledge Harold might've walked into his death for him, does not diminish the pain so fierce and bleeding he’s felt it only once before.

And when Harold is furiously typing numbers into the phone on his chest, he finally comes to terms with himself. He’s in love with Harold Finch, and there’s no changing that. He wouldn’t change it for the world, not one second of it, not one moment. So when he says, "Pick the winner", what he means is _I love you_.

 

 

(And somewhere far far away, Jessica smiles again.)


End file.
